Eren, what did you do last night?
by Julius Night
Summary: "It is always the nights you cannot remember that eventually become the stories you don't forget," Corey Taylor. Follow Eren Yeager as he attempts to piece together a puzzle that has been drowned out in so much wine he forgot the pieces, scissors, tape and everything else. Humor fic, modern SnK AU.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Please note that this is of course Fan Fiction, therefore the events described would be slightly deviated from the orginal telling.

And nope, I in fact do not own Shingeki no Kyojin or anything else I write about.

This is a modern AU fic-drink responsibly! I mean this, not alcohol.

Chapter 1

"Eren wake up," screamed the Devil inside his head as he pounded on all his drums and double bass pedals.

"Eren, EREN!" screamed an Angel as he fell into the void of a universe spinning topsy-turvy.

"Uh, damnit Eren," loudly sighed a voice of an entity much closer to home as the back of a hand smacked against Eren's forehead.

"Oww, what!?" Eren blurted out as his eyes flew open.

Almost instantly he closed them again due to the brightness and the burn. His right hand slowly but surely searched around to locate his forehead to rub the throbbing pain. The weight on his stomach began to ease up and relax.

"Are you alright?" said the entity again in a slightly softer tone.

"Is he alright?" said another voice further off in the void.

"I think so," responded the first.

Eren gathered the strength to slowly open up his eyes again. But instead of seeing Devils or Angels or just streaming lines of random confusing colors that kept his body so woozy, he saw his friends. Mikasa and Armin looking down at him with concern.

"Ughh, get off me, you're heavy," protested Eren when he realized Mikasa had him straddled.

"Drink this first," pressed Mikasa, holding a cup of water barely an inch from his mouth.

"No," Eren said stubbornly.

"Drink," Mikasa pressed.

"You drink it," responded Eren.

Mikasa responded with pouring half the contents of the cup between Eren's lips as he weakly struggled to fight her off. As soon as she stopped he coughed and choked most of the water back up. Mikasa raised herself back onto her feet and stood next to Armin to stare down at the most severe hangover that either of them had ever seen.

"Why..(cough)..wh...(cough)..were you on top of (cough) me," Eren struggled to say.

"Because this is where you fell asleep Eren," Mikasa pointed out, gesturing to the narrow bedroom doorframe where his bottom half was in and top half was out.

"Why..(cough)," asked Eren.

"Because this is as far as I could get you," spoke up Armin. "I tried to get you all the way into your bed...but you wanted to sleep here."

"At least you've got a pillow and a blanket," Mikasa chimed.

"I've got to get into my bed..Uh..my whole body hurts," Eren struggled to say, but it didn't take him long to realize. "Where are my clothes!?"

"Ahh..I'm not really sure how you lost them Eren," Armin said half apologeticaly.

"He still has on his briefs," said Mikasa.

Both Armin and Eren shot her a sideways stare.

"What? I checked," she defended.

Minutes later Eren was propped up in his bed with a warm pair of clothes on. Drinking water and popping asprin. Armin filled a bag of ice for his head and they both took their positions on edge of his bed.

"I found your phone," Armin spoke up. "It was in the shower drain."

"Oh no..." Eren said softly with closed lids.

"A lot of missed calls, and more texts," continued Armin. "Oh...and eight death threats. Two from Jean and six from Sasha."

"Eren, what did you do last night?" asked a overly concerned Mikasa.

"I don't remember," Eren said, trying not to think.

"Well start to remember!" burst out Mikasa. "I leave Trost for one night and this is the hell you raise!?"

"You don't know anything yet," chuckled Armin, but soon regreted it and gained his serious composure back. Damn she could be so scary sometimes.

"We all share this apartment now Eren, so if someone or a lot of people are coming to try and kill you then I at least need to know why," Mikasa said, calming down slightly.

"...Jean threw a house party..." Eren began.

"I already know that," countered Mikasa.

"You didn't want to go," Eren said.

"I know that part too," Mikasa pressed.

"And I might have had a little too much to drink, end of story," finished Eren.

"If that's the end of the story then why are you covered in welts and bruises? If that's the end then why do you most of our friends want to kill you? If that's the end then why are there police reports on the table?" fired Mikasa.

"I don't know ok!" Eren fired back. "Most of that is news to me."

"Then start from the beginning," Mikasa pleaded.

"Damn woman...do I really have to?" Eren moaned.

"Eren! What did you do last night!?"

End of Chapter 1

**I have completely and utterly been stuck in SnK, it is without a doubt the best manga/anime I've yet come across. Actually got me into cosplaying as well.**

**This will be a short humor story, I'll update as soon as I can.**

** And I'll finish this with all my other fics all in due time, rest assured!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Please note that this is of course Fan Fiction, therefore the events described would be slightly deviated from the orginal telling.

And nope, I in fact do not own Shingeki no Kyojin or anything else I write about.

Flashback sequences are meant to be seen and told to all three, enjoy!

Chapter 2

"The beginning?" continued Mikasa.

"It's so fuzzy...I can't," Eren protested.

"I dropped you off at Jean's house, remember?" interjected Armin. "Then went off to cover the late shift at work."

"Right..." Eren said weakly, still keeping his eyes firmly closed.

"Is any of it coming back?" asked Armin.

"How long before you came back to get him?" Mikasa interrupted.

"About three hours-"

SIE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WIR SIND DIE JAGER!

Everyone jumped at the loud blast of Eren's ringtone.

"Turn it to vibrate...someone," moaned Eren.

"It's Sasha," said Armin, grabbing the phone from the nightstand.

Eren grimaced, "Then turn it off."

"I think you remember more than you're leading on," Mikasa pointed out.

"...Just...bits and pieces," Eren said half-heartedly. "Playing quarters with Jean and Ymir...a few card games...falling off the roof..."

"You fell off the roof?!" exclaimed Mikasa.

"...Twice," admitted Eren.

"Even I didn't know about that," exclaimed Armin.

"How did you even-" Mikasa began.

But Eren cut her short, knowing she would ask. "There are trees."

"You might have broken something, are you hurting still?" asked Mikasa, still pissed.

"Everything hurts!" Eren shot back.

"But why the hel-" began Mikasa again before the sound of Eren's phone vibrating next to him went off.

He opened his eyes and looked down to see the same caller on screen, 'Sasha Braus.'

"Ehh..no," Eren said softly, hiding the phone under a pillow.

"What did you do to her?!" Mikasa said loudly, her temper still hot.

Eren choose to ignore that and closed his eyes tightly again and tried to shut down. The world was still spinning him around in the darkness, but it was better than being interrogated. Oh, if only last night could be a dream...just wake up already.

Mikasa temporarily let Eren be and turned to her right. "Well, Armin, what is the first thing that happened when you went to pick him up?"

"Well...that's a bit extreme to start with..." Armin said, slyly rubbing the back of his neck. He wouldn't lie to Mikasa, but he hoped that she wouldn't find out everything that happened.

"Out with it," Mikasa said, slightly dangerously.

Armin looked over to Eren but got no response, so he began. "Well when I got there, everyone was pretty drunk. I went to where I heard the most noise and found everyone gathered around," Armin paused for a moment. "To where Eren and Reiner were...wrestling...in the dining room."

"Wrestling..." murmured a deadpanned Mikasa.

"Wrestling?" Eren questioned, opening up his eyes.

"Well...I think that is what you two were doing," Armin explained. "To me it looked like you were just throwing each other around...and laughing."

"Ohh..yea.." Eren chuckled softly, closing his eyes back.

**(Flashback) **

_"Youu can' swin Braunieee," slurred Eren in his determined voice as he forced Reiner's size against him and hurled him over the dinning room table._

_ The crowd of eager drunken spectators encircled the room, barely giving them enough space. Reiner rebounded quickly from across the table and charged at full speed. Eren smoothly dodged the Reiner to his left and the one further to the left but was grabbed by the one on the right. Eren flailed around like a fish but Reiner held him too tightly._

"_D'he endd, Yeaggar," Reiner burped, and that was all he wrote._

_ He turned and suplexed Eren onto a dining room chair. The poor defenseless chair was smashed to pieces on impact as the sound of the crash filled the room. Leaving Eren laying on his back on a tiny mountain of rubble and loss. Connie begrudgingly handed Ymir a twenty dollar bill._

_ But suprisingly, "...A ha..ha..HAHAHA...OW...AHAHA," resounded from Eren, laughing like mad on the ground._

_ "HEY!" yelled Jean as he worked his way past the crowd. "You're paying for that Yeager!" his buzz was beginning to fade._

_ "Duon't sworrrry soo mooch Jeean-boyyy. Chour motther knowws I swel' vix it awl upp," Eren slurred as Reiner helped him back onto his wobbly feet._

_ "You some-bitch," Jean rushed forward._

_ But Marco was quick to stop Jean and Armin stepped into the light to get a hold of Eren. Both were led away to cool off in their own way._

**(End Flashback)**

"So that explains some bruises," sighed Mikasa.

"Yea...that happened," said Eren, still with a slight smile.

"Then what?" Mikasa asked Armin.

"Well...I tried to get Eren to calm down and sober up...but he wanted to keep on drinking. Then...old man Pixis showed up," answered Armin.

"Mmmm..." sighed Eren with tightly pressed lips and closed eyes.

"Then he really got drunk sharing a flask with him...talking about politics," Armin continued. "Then...I think Eren disappeared, I couldn't find him anywhere."

"Disappeared," Mikasa said flatly.

"Well...I found him later on...next to Annie," Armin admitted slowly.

"Gah..(cough)..what?!" Eren said, springing up.

"Talking?" Mikasa said, her voice deadly low. "I will know if you're lying Armin."

Armin recoiled sharply, he knew he said way to much, way to late. Eren and Mikasa stared at him, waiting for an answer. Their attention was completely on him.

"Wellll...no..." Armin started, being extra careful with his words now. "He was...coming to...second base," Armin's hands flew to cover his face, he couldn't bear to see.

"WHAT?!" Mikasa said, her neck snapping to the right to zone in on Eren.

"WHAT?" Mikasa towered over Eren, covering his field of vision.

"WHAT!?" said a Mikasa, centimeters away from Eren's nose.

End of Chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Please note that this is of course Fan Fiction, therefore the events described would be slightly deviated from the orginal telling.

And nope, I in fact do not own Shingeki no Kyojin or anything else I write about.

Apologize for the delay, I've been drinking a bit too much my damn self.

Chapter 3

"DAMNIT ARMIN!" Eren shouted as he reeled back from Mikasa. "DID YOU HAVE TO SAY ALL THAT?!"

"Everyone calm down, it's not such a big deal," Armin said with a raised voice.

"Not a big deal?!" Mikasa seethed.

"I...really don't think he knew what he was doing anyway. By then Eren had lost about all control," continued Armin.

The situation in Eren's bedroom was becoming less tense...until.

"Oh yea," Armin said brightly as though the lightbuld in his head turned on. "I remember now, that's where you lost your shirt."

Mikasa snapped back into kill mode before Armin finished speaking.

"ARMIN STOP IT!" shouted a frightened Eren as Mikasa slowly advanced. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"

"EVERYONE CALM DOWN!" commanded Armin in a suprisingly strong voice. "And take a deep breath."

He reached out to place a hand on each of their shoulders to steady them back. Eren still looked worried and Mikasa was quiet, the dangerous kind of quiet. The tension was easing again, Armin was successful in keeping his mouth shut this time. Despite the several things floating around in his brain that sounded positive to say out loud. Eren's phone began vibrating under the pillows again.

"She took advantage of you, is that it?" said Mikasa, her voice still low and scary.

"Annie had a lot to drink too," answered Armin.

"Oh yeah!" spat a skeptical Mikasa. "How could you tell?"

"Well...she was blushing really heavy...and smiling," Armin answered again.

"Hmmm," Mikasa hummed, very aware of Annie's sober behavior.

"Plus, when I walked in Jean's room and found them, she didn't seem all that embarrassed," Armin finished.

"Well it's a good thing you showed up when you did," Mikasa said, pointing her finger at Armin, before turning said finger towards Eren. "And you're never touching alcohol again."

"If it means that this headache and all this pain goes away...fine," resigned Eren.

The phone continued vibrating, the caller was the same without any of them having to check.

"What is it with her?" sighed Mikasa with a hand going up to rub her face in frustration.

"Well...that's the next part," Armin stated. "The part where things really got out of control."

"How much worse could it have gotten?" Mikasa sighed again.

"You're about to find out," he answered.

"Armin...some things I don't want to remember, like the rest of last night," Eren said before drinking the rest of his water. He could no longer close his eyes and rest, Mikasa had him too worried to drop his guard.

"But some things you have to, go on Armin," said Mikasa.

"Well, I'm not exactly sure how it got started...Eren managed to disappear again. But when I found him again it was in the middle of a crowd with the most noise. To where he and Sasha were arguing," said Armin.

"Do you remember what we were arguing about?" Eren asked eagerly.

"I have no idea...both of you were slurring so badly that I couldn't figure hardly any words out," answered Armin. "But then...you did the unspeakable."

**(Flashback)**

_"Yeash..." Eren slurred loudly, his temper reaching a fever pitch. "Sor jus' an blucho bluh"_

_ And with that said, Eren leaned his whole body to the right and swung his left hand in an arcing motion. Using all his drunken force, he smacked the potato out of Sasha's grip. Everyone in the room inhaled sharply. The potato slammed against a family portrait on the wall and busted the frame, then slowly started sliding down._

_ By the way, this wasn't just any normal spud, oh no, this was a masterpiece. A work of art that Sasha spent at least half an hour working on. Stumbling around the kitchen, missing most of her times when aim was crucial, falling down more than once. But when it was finished, it was perfect. Just the right temperature, covered in butter, sour cream, chives, ham...perfect._

_ Sasha lunged forward, gripping his shoulders and knocking him to the ground. She was bestial, ready to tear him apart. Perhaps would have if everyone around couldn't separate the two. _

_ "Dethhh..daeethh," snarled Sasha as Ymir and Connie struggled to keep her contained. She was adamantly flailing around trying to shake free to attack._

_ "Eren!" Armin said loudly into his ear. "It's best if we head home now."_

_ Eren was led away to Armin's car without much resistance._

_ Jean discovering the potato in the picture and shouting "You some-bitch" was the last thing they heard before walking out the front door._

**(End Flashback)**

"That's ridiculous Eren," Mikasa said with a heavy-handed sigh.

Eren kept his silence so Armin continued.

"I almost had you in my car, you were just about there...but then you ran away."

"Hold on, there's no way I would just run away," spoke up Eren.

"You took off running Eren," said Armin.

"I don't...why would I do that?" Eren said, puzzled.

"I don't know why," Armin answered in a flustered tone. "But you just did, I can't explain it."

Mikasa was the one keeping her silnce now, most questions would only make understanding it worse.

"You were too fast and disappeared again," Armin went on. "So I had to get in my car and drive around looking for you."

"Ugh...I'm sorry Armin. How long were you looking?" said Eren.

"Not long, maybe ten minutes. I saw your pants on the sidewalk so I knew I was close," Armin answered.

Eren and Mikasa both had hands move to their face.

"Then on the other side of the park...blue lights," Armin said.

"Oh, the police...I kinda remember this part," admitted Eren.

**(Flashback)**

_ Armin quickly parked his car by the street and ran over to the scene. Two police officers had Eren handcuffed on his knees in front of them. The two cops were very different in size, one was tall and solid, the other short and lean. They were trying to question Eren, but he couldn't give them any answers. Eren was swaying back and forth, slurring when he spoke and not even paying them that much attention. Naked except for his briefs and oddly enough his shoes._

_ "He's my friend," Armin said breathlessly as he came close enough. "He's just had too much to drink."_

_ "We can see that," said the short one._

_ "I'm Sheriff Smith," said the other one as he walked towards Armin. "And you are?"_

_ "Armin Arlert sir," he answered and shook his hand._

_ "And you know him?" Sheriff Smith asked._

_ "Yes, he's a good friend, I'm just trying to get him home." responded Armin._

_ The short cop was standing in front of Eren, staring down at him disapprovingly. Eren stared back as the top half of his body bobbed left to right. The sheriff kept asking Armin question after question until another officer showed up._

_ "I'm here sir," a spectacle wearing female officer brightly said._

_ "Wait on stand-by deputy," Sheriff Smith responded. "I'm sorry Mr. Arlert but we're going to have to take your friend downtown tonight."_

_ "But...why? I just need to get him home and let him sleep it off," pleaded Armin._

_ "Laws have to be upheld young man. Your friend could face a lot of charges, but if he behaves himself we will release him in the morn-" but the sheriff was cut short by an all too familiar sickening sound._

_ Everyone looked over in horror as Eren vomited nearly all the contents of his stomach onto the short officers' pants and shoes. Everyone was still and quiet for a moment, a very long moment. Eren stared back up at the cop and continued on swaying. The short cop didn't flinch an inch and held his footing as he casually reached over for his nightstick._

_ "HEY," the deputy sheriff said brightly, putting her arm across Armin's shoulders. "Isn't that your car parked on the street over there," she pointed over into the distance. "C'mon, lets go move it," she said escorting Armin away from the scene. "Wouldn't want anything to happen to it."_

_ The short officer had his eyes fixed on the handcuffed Eren as he gently swung his nightstick into the palm of his opposite hand. "I just had these pants starched," he said softly to himself. His motions stopped and he gripped the stick tightly at both ends, "Double starched!"_

**(End Flashback)**

End of Chapter 3


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: Please note that this is of course Fan Fiction, therefore the events described would be slightly deviated from the orginal telling.

For the record this isn't a shipping fic, no Eren x Mikasa or Eren x Annie is strongly implied. Sorry, just not a part of this story. Mikasa is just her usual over-protective/concerned self when it comes to Eren. If she seems OOC then I apologize for that. In the manga as well as the anime I found her talking most when there was something important to say, which I tried to apply here.

Now onto the fourth and final chapter!

And nope, I in fact do not own Shingeki no Kyojin or anything else I write about.

Chapter 4

**(Flashback)**

The reverberating clank of the jail cell door boomed behind Eren after he was softly pushed in. The community cell held quite a few people but he didn't/couldn't pay them any attention. Most were quiet and keeping to themselves at this late hour.

Eren clumsily staggered forward, bruised, beaten and still very drunk to fall down at the first seat he saw. Which happened to be at the end of the wall bench against the metal bars. He slouched to the right to lean against the cell bars to try and rest, but he still felt so sick. Cold as well, still wearing only underwear and sneakers. So in a place like this he was bound to attract some un-wanted attention, and he was attracting it. He could sense it, even with all his other senses blurred and unresponsive. He felt a pair of eyes on him...near, very near. He dared to slowly look over to his left and see the source.

Staring at him, barely a foot away...Sasha Braus.

"Yoouuu..." she seethed.

Eren reeled back against the bars in suprise. She looked even a bit more crazed than the last time he saw her. Half mad were her eyes and a giant bandage covered a still swelling bump on the high top of her forehead. Yet on top of everything else, she was absolutely starving.

"It's your fault I'm here," Sasha said loudly, her pointer finger dangerously close to Eren. She was speaking much better despite an occasional slur or drag of her words.

"All. Your. Fault," she stressed again with her finger flicking at him with each word.

After a few moments of Eren trying to understand what she was talking about. Since he still didn't really understand his own situation or the amount of trouble he'd brought upon himself. He stammered out a thoughtful, "Huuhh?"

**(Sasha Flashback) **

_In the aftermath of Eren leaving the party, it took Sasha a good bit of time to calm down. I mean the nerve! She barely had two bites off that masterpiece! Plus she knew that was the last potato in Jean's kitchen and she was starving._

_ So she did the first thing that came to her drunken malnourished mind...thievery. It really wasn't such a big deal, there was a farm close by that she would frequent, at night...by herself. Though she only took what she needed (which was quite a lot) from the open fields. The old farmer that tended the land got close to catching her a few times, but she was always too fast and escaped easily with both arms full._

_ Tonight she just needed a little. 'Two potatoes, maybe five...but no more than seven,' she reasoned. She slipped away from the group as everyone was beginning to leave and headed purposefully down the street. Any observer could easily tell she had too much to drink, her arms swung almost as long as her stride. Which was nowhere near what would be described as 'a straight line.' But the streets were quiet and empty, she made it there without getting lost even once._

_ She excitingly ran through the corn stalks, past the cabbage rows and onto the potato patch. The darkness didn't bother her as she stuck both arms into the soil searching for her prey. After all, she is an expert huntress able to sense spuds._

_ But it wasn't long at all before the old farmer came searching for her. It was hard for him to ignore the sounds of her giggling through his fields. He walked briskly for his age following her heavy footsteps in the dirt, lantern in one hand, sickle in the other._

_ Sasha saw the light of him approach too late and set off running in a panic. Leaving all four of her freshly unearthed potatoes behind. The farmer was screaming, she was screaming, the potatoes were grateful._

_ She headed for the way out as quickly as her wobbly legs could carry her. The farmer still continuing to give chase. She ran and ran and just when she saw the way out near the street, she slipped. Sasha then barreled straight ahead and headfirst into a wooden fence post, knocking her out cold. "Ahh hell..." sighed the old farmer when he caught up to her. He was kind enough to call an ambulance...and the police._

**(End Sasha Flashback) **

"It's your fault I had to go," Sasha continued, growing more feral.

Eren was now completely trapped against the corner. She had both hands wrapped around the bars on each side of Eren's head, pulling herself closer. It appeared to be the end. They would find the pieces of him scattered around the floor of the dimly lit cell in the morning. The other inmates would be huddled together in the far corner for protection, their eyes showing scenes of horror.

"Yeager," said an officer with a nonchalant tone, unlocking the cell door. "You're free to go."

Sasha's face fell with a look of horrible disappointment as Eren turned back to her, grinning widely. _"._...A ha..ha..HAHAHA...HAHA...AHAHA," laughed Eren again as he easily lifted her arm out of the way. He swayed a bit when he stood and triumphantly waltzed out of the cell, still laughing in relief.

"We...ugh...the department apologizes, for any 'mistreatment,'" said the officer as Eren walked by.

Eren coolly turned and raised the double thumbs up, then happily continued on.

**(End Flashback)**

"How did you get him out of there?" Mikasa asked.

"It was easy with this," Armin said holding out his phone. "I filmed what happened after Eren threw up on the short officer."

"Let me see it," said Mikasa, already starting to fume.

"It's...probably best if you don't see it," Armin said, trying to appease her.

Mikasa gave one of her scary looks and Armin handed over the phone. She started the video and as expected, her rage level doubled...then tripled. Eren leaned over slightly to watch just when the short cop began stomping. The video ended after the feminine voice of the deputy yelled "HEY!" and Armin took off running from his spot in the bushes.

"Getting Eren was easy when I had this for leverage," Armin said smartly.

"They can't get away with that!" Mikasa said, shaking slightly with anger.

"Let it go Mikasa, I got the charges dropped only because I agreed to get rid of the tape. It's not worth it t-" but Armin was cut short by the sound of a car sharply coming to a stop outside.

He looked out the window to see Jean's car and Sasha fumble out of the passenger side, holding onto something.

"It's Sasha!" Armin exclaimed, making everyone-especially Eren jump. "She's got a gun!"

"It's a potato gun," Mikasa said in a slightly calmer tone.

"YEEEAGER!" boomed Sasha as she raised the cannon towards his window. "THIS IS GOING TO HURT ME...WORSE THAN IT'S GOING TO HURT YOU!"

End of Story

I'm leaving it on a cliffhanger folks, whatever happens next is completely up to you! And I hope you enjoyed, it's been a real pleasure writing this one!


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